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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 06:32
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Many a man\'s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
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Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
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The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
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After I\'m dead I\'d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
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Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
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The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
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[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
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The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
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Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
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The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
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Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
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If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
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Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
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Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
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I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
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We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
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Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
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It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
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Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Minsky\'s Second Law: Don\'t just do something. Stand there.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
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Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
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A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/16/(Mon) 18:08
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